Breakup

I realised that I still like this font the most. Reminds me of my favourite font: American Typewriter. Miss being in Arts class, miss alot of things I had in the past. Made some bad choices I must say but we can't go back there to rectify it now. Then again, who's to judge what is the worst or best choice? Life is a whole bagful of laughable paradoxes.

Psychologist call religion the attempt to master the sensory world in which we are situated by trying to live the wishful world we all secretly have inside us. But it don't explain away the hidden desires we have, I think psychologists are mistaken badly.
Met Key last night, talked about blogging, he says he sees not the point of blogging. Eff him. He still has a long way to grow, that boy. He is cute though.

Guess I am officially broken with JM. No point in dwelling, though I hope deep inside the pain goes away totally. I am trying not to think about it. The vacation is surely untimely. The last thing I need right now is infinite time. I know he don't love me anymore, he can gimme all kinds of excuses or make up all kinds of reasons but they will not stand. What transgressed will not be forgotten. The human mind is such an amazing thing, we thrive on memories, because they serve as an irrepressible drive that moves our tardy mechanisms.

Dreams disrupted. It always happens when your dream does not contain yourself but someone else. God says live for Love, because that's all we have. But he stopped short of defining it. Or perhaps he meant Love to be Sacrifice; a concept associated eternally with pain. That's why most people readily laugh it off. But when you get twirled in the whirlwind of Love and fresh emotions, the process is tiresome, endless. I dare not let it sink in; the fact that I may lose him forever. May not be able to feel his arms around me forever. I must refute the thought, reject it in Christ's name. For with God, nothing is impossible. Sentimentality, as Freud says, are mere emotions. Capability for intensely strong emotions, that's what it is. Love has to be requitted. What can love sustain itself on if not for primal drives? Drives that existed even before time did. I must lessen the effect of what I feel by numbing myself to the reality that is lashing its fangs at me. I must brace and be strong to face what comes. To create a better future for myself and for those whom I truly love and love me back. I know I must. I won't be defeated. Will i?