True Love is Lasting

如果這就是愛 在轉身就該勇敢留下來

So true, I guess we keep asking what Love is. It is staying and never going away. It is an unknown force that compells you to stay behind when everyone else has gone away. Even when life tells you to go, you find deep a factor that makes you eventually linger, makes you want to linger even longer.

Biopolar disorder

A Long-Term Illness That Can Be Effectively Treated
Even though episodes of mania and depression naturally come and go, it is important to understand that bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that currently has no cure. Staying on treatment, even during well times, can help keep the disease under control and reduce the chance of having recurrent, worsening episodes.

What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.

Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:

Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
Extreme irritability
Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
Distractibility, can't concentrate well
Little sleep needed
Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
Poor judgment
Spending sprees
A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
Increased sexual drive
Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
Denial that anything is wrong
A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.
Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:
Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down"
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Restlessness or irritability
Sleeping too much, or can't sleep
Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain
Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

A depressive episode is diagnosed if five or more of these symptoms last most of the day, nearly every day, for a period of 2 weeks or longer.

Diagnosis:

Mood Disorder - Mixed Episode Symptoms
A mixed episode is not a disorder, but rather a part of a mental disorder, most commonly bipolar disorder. It consists of meeting the criteria for both a manic episode as well as a major depressive episode nearly every day for at least a full week.

Just some thoughts

The person who loves you most will always be yourself. JM quoted through Mao Zedong. Interesting conversation, the most interesting we had in a long while, but he wouldnt plough on, not him, not my man. He stays on safe shores, does things that are as good as possible, avoiding the side of him to err naturally. That is what keeps us going, I get good lessons just watching him remain him...

Brenda is in China with Chet, onto new adventures, she is hoping to land herself a huge fortune when Chet passes on, she doesn't say but what else can it be? But I do wish she will be successful.

A little political

I finally realised why Politics is the most difficult part of corporate work. You don't know if you should create it or live without it. We cannot get rid of the innate nature of life: a boring waiting process whereby people try to spruce up by means of creating politics, even it be negative ones.

Rationalising Shame

Kris is amazing. She really is what I would call the epitome of Uni gal. Confident, superb, uncontestable, nonchalant even in the face of competition (maybe I hardly am to her). I am amazed at how numb I can feel throughout the ordeal. Numb to reality, to shame. I think I am outdoing myself. I'd have performed better had there not been a wardrobe malfunction I suppose. But Kris is nice enough to cover up for me.
I wonder what it is like being her. Or not being me for a day. Ha...but we are all born ourselves. There is no point in wishing to be on greener pastures, it is only a waste of time in wishing. It is better to grasp the day and live life to the fullest, even it be on one's own.

But I really wish to continue this. It is a good way to forgo the self, and focus on what is more important, beyond the self. To belittle everything so that nothing matters anymore is the best way to find happiness in its raw self. That is all that matters, isn't it?

Perhaps, perhaps Love.

Is there a way not to miss JM? An hour or so will be useful.
Just read CH's blog. Can't believe I have to hear about Kevin's stuff from someone interning in France... For EP, I am really more disconnected with MPX more than I'd ever allow myself to be. I'm supposed to meet Rayner tmr, but I guess it's no-go as usual.
I realised to shock today that I cannot recall a lot of details about the early part of me and JM's relationship anymore. Hail to Genie, she is finally beginning to treat JM as part of her life.
Caught "Perhaps.Love" yesterday. Peter Ho has outdone himself, I must say, from his earlier works to recent's. He is still incomparable to Hollywood but it sure is a laudable effort. Makes me wonder about Love as a whole, bitterness, sweetness, pain... Perhaps real love is as he says, transcient...but thank heavens there are so many versions of love, some are not just perhaps.

Oddupy

Love this song by Show, ahsiahsi. It grooves my "audifactorial" senses like no other.

I think Wisdom is by circumstance and chance alone. No one can expect it to linger forever, it comes and goes. It can be faked (can't everything?) or authentic, therefore the beholder must be cautious. If so, it must be of God in origin, and everything of God appears almost unconscious.

Read up on ID, Ego and Superego yesterday, funny how knowledge never stays for long. Perhaps because humans cannot understand anything completely, for perfect understanding is of God but in our mundane hours, everything can sabotage God's presence.

It's funny how since Adam screwed up, it takes this much intensity to reach God's level. You start having to push everything to its extremes to find a little bit of God. The World start labelling you an Extremist, when it was supposed to be all normal.

Never again

今生不再

多得这雨势将烟花破毁

才令我体会凡事会枯萎

多得这霎那不小心脱轨

遗憾才会令你珍惜的彻底

多得这霎那分针不再转

才让时间实践惊心的爱恋

同渡过这盛世

随手都采到星火的美丽

但我怎知道这份执秘抱入来世仍在你躯体？

就趁那歌声悠扬

玻璃倒影了今生不再的幻像

天空正挂着今世不再的月亮

斐短流长未来将怎样设想

恨这晚歌声悠扬

当中多少秒钟可跟最爱来分享？

种种恩恩爱爱可胜展多少世代仍在唱？

种种恩恩爱爱不可多得的美丽但无常

怎么可设想？

Breakup

I realised that I still like this font the most. Reminds me of my favourite font: American Typewriter. Miss being in Arts class, miss alot of things I had in the past. Made some bad choices I must say but we can't go back there to rectify it now. Then again, who's to judge what is the worst or best choice? Life is a whole bagful of laughable paradoxes.

Psychologist call religion the attempt to master the sensory world in which we are situated by trying to live the wishful world we all secretly have inside us. But it don't explain away the hidden desires we have, I think psychologists are mistaken badly.
Met Key last night, talked about blogging, he says he sees not the point of blogging. Eff him. He still has a long way to grow, that boy. He is cute though.

Guess I am officially broken with JM. No point in dwelling, though I hope deep inside the pain goes away totally. I am trying not to think about it. The vacation is surely untimely. The last thing I need right now is infinite time. I know he don't love me anymore, he can gimme all kinds of excuses or make up all kinds of reasons but they will not stand. What transgressed will not be forgotten. The human mind is such an amazing thing, we thrive on memories, because they serve as an irrepressible drive that moves our tardy mechanisms.

Dreams disrupted. It always happens when your dream does not contain yourself but someone else. God says live for Love, because that's all we have. But he stopped short of defining it. Or perhaps he meant Love to be Sacrifice; a concept associated eternally with pain. That's why most people readily laugh it off. But when you get twirled in the whirlwind of Love and fresh emotions, the process is tiresome, endless. I dare not let it sink in; the fact that I may lose him forever. May not be able to feel his arms around me forever. I must refute the thought, reject it in Christ's name. For with God, nothing is impossible. Sentimentality, as Freud says, are mere emotions. Capability for intensely strong emotions, that's what it is. Love has to be requitted. What can love sustain itself on if not for primal drives? Drives that existed even before time did. I must lessen the effect of what I feel by numbing myself to the reality that is lashing its fangs at me. I must brace and be strong to face what comes. To create a better future for myself and for those whom I truly love and love me back. I know I must. I won't be defeated. Will i?